Sadness and Happiness because there you

28 March 2010

Tonight I feel sad, oh mom and dad I wanted to come home I feel alien in this place. This feeling is so different from the day the day before I felt something was missing, whether it was just a sense of what it already does not feel comfortable anymore. Pray for my mother's father passed quickly, and hopefully I can be the life of that now, it's not fair to me just a few days to feel comfortable with the life of my feelings must now feel more sadness .. duhhh want to go home and do not settle it. I want to be like it used to own a home again, I can not bear with all these circumstances I think I want to die.

Why did each come with a brother ... always felt the same way as the first. Pain is always there and there, it was hard for me as if I did not find anything that I should not be natural. Now only you mother and father and God the Almighty ... I always begged thy hope and pray this feeling does not always exist in me, so do not feel like at this time. Because comfort is affecting all activities within and outside myself feeling as though it has always been a burden to me. But I realize when all is indeed true that among the many people who did not expect myself there exist among them, I am conscious of myself and who I am. Because I'm just a ride, now I realize the real meaning that all of this is certainly such a case. So the fair if they did not want me in the middle of them if there is also a love too but unfortunately only if the parties, it was useless because I was not part of their family ties even if indeed there is a link you but I thought I was fully aware of who I am.

It's so hard for me, as if to remind myself to think this will all be matters which had known when I lived the same place. Taste it and treated it as if the match as though there is no difference. Oh God give me strength and guidance is strong for myself hopefully mengahdapi all this ordeal.

Mom and dad ... far from it's painful and you want to complain to my taste but it was all in vain because I knew it was not possible because you can not come to my side. Want to feel myself saying "why it happened and made to driku? Why do they bear? Though they are members of your family right? But why .. why all that happen? "

I do not know seadainya you did not exist in this world anymore, and I am still always feel like that now, my heart is sad, painful, felt alienated by his own brother diomelin sometimes when I did not know the cause of a sudden grumble, rambling, angry and other another. But all that I realize I probably have one that it should be, so they took out his emotions. But if the case continued this fair if it was as if I become the object to become a target in which all errors were transferred to me. This feeling is so hard for this moment I'm feeling, I'm not so strong to face all of this, heavy flavor, although I accept this for myself is trying to accept and be patient. Mom and dad What if you had left me forever if will be more sick? whether I will suffer more? Even more of what diperikarakan .. by myself? ohh mom and dad how much weight when it actually happened. O Allah, I beg they may lengthen the health and age and given the strength to see her son only once successfully. I wanted to give something to them something that they can be. Mother pray for me me luck and success.

I also do not know the journey of my life, romance, relationships and even my future myself with someone I really loved it ... I'm afraid all of that happened, vanished, and did not become an outcome. Who knows ...!! may pengelaman-first experience was so bitter to me prustasi will be all the things that I was depressed. But thankfully God still love to dirku this weak. God is still dear to me, God still give hope to myself a life where I feel the meaning of life like the people around me and around the association. So I am confident and spirit with the life that now even I am willing to make whatever it ngelakuin shape! Even God gives grace and guidance to me to love and cherish someone who was so mean in my life so that life is to feel something more meaningful. I do not know if all that happens menginggalkan myself, maybe I'll go back to normal .. happened that I had been experiencing. Despair, stress, depression, lack of optimism and even there it rose to life could not exist. I do not know .......!! why it all happened? O Allah keep all of myself like I let people be happy and laughing with people I love and care!!, now all live in great hope to eka ... I do not know if you went and did it really happen meniggalkan myself maybe all will be annihilated hopes that there was even alive .. entahalah I can not think beyond my ability! Moreover, as far as saying that in the preceding I was afraid and did not dare, but if that were true I could die suddenly!! Kaa ..... Hopefully, the expectations of me to you will never kecewakan and every promise you will always s Word and you'll always remember every word you said to me, and hope to build something up until grandma grandpa .. because I so love you with all my soul. O Allah grant us salvation and make us who YOU ridhoi partner and we are always accompanied in the shelter of the power of fiber-MU-MU ............. and we jadikalah pair of couples who did ............. I live life to the end that you ridhoi. Amin .......!!!

Please his prayers ....... yes mom and dad always let me in and given the safety of luck ..